I feel like such a fool sometimes. I should probably be doing more to promote myself and this website, and there are indeed several factors that I simply haven’t done that would improve my position, but I feel so pressed for time recently. I had hoped to undertake all challenges, but it just freezes me hope and makes me feel immobile. Even attempting to take it one at a time isn’t truly helping. Beyond random life events happening – as is the usual for everyone, I’m sure – there is also the fact that to fully concentrate on actual book writing, I need to close myself off from the worldwide web. But then, self-promotion suffers as a result. Perhaps I should be utilizing youtube, but to be perfectly frank, I really don’t like most commercialized attempts on youtube anyway.

There seems to be a relentless slew of things that one must do for self-promotion; I’m feeling quite frustrated with it and with personal annoyances occurring in my life. My brainstorming and desire to expand the length of both of the books I’m working on makes me wonder: Will any of it truly have value? I suppose in some ways, value is given by other people instead of just made by ourselves by what we choose to do. For all the successful authors out there, there are a hundred million more that will never be successful and fall into obscurity. This fact, at times, makes me question whether the quality of a book matters. All I’ve really learned so far is that I should appeal to a more educated crowd because those without education tend to view psychological factors like in-groups and out-groups as conspiracy theories . . . despite the fact this is largely how people have conditioned themselves in terms of socio-economic differences such as class, racial differences, and national borders. It’s actually quite odd to see people argue against such notions while living under them.

Yet, regardless, I often wonder if it’s really possible. For the most part, blogging is suggested to be limited. People make automatic judgments about blogs and the more simplified and to a specific focus that it is then it’ll be easier and people have a specific – generalized – expectation of what to expect from your blog such as if you’re writing for a particular fictional genre or about car parts. I’ve chosen to put film reviews, video game reviews, and occasionally talk about politics. I would write more about politics but then I’d be writing lengthy essays and giving enough focus on my actual book writing. The myriad of things that I try to do is actually a detriment and its also why I decided to delete some of the things I had hoped to do but realized I couldn’t really write about.

All I’ve really learned is that I shouldn’t bother with web forums, which I should have just read about earlier instead of bothering to engage – in fact, I should’ve known beforehand from my experiences with gamefaqs, and really, what use is trying to engage with a largely apathetic world that seems to like religious forms of nihilism over empowering their own lives? I explain more concisely in my book regarding religious norms but would people even value my insights? I honestly have to wonder. And if not, then what would be the point? So many people seem to have a martyrdom complex thanks to the self-esteem movement and I’m just getting tired of not finding a decent audience for a niche. It seems like finding early adapters are definitely harder than at first glance.